How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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