nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
