suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
