You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize