I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
