Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have post one night stand depression
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