is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
