laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
