Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
