The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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