just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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