i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
