i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
