it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
