Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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