just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
