yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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