My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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