You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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