it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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