i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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