Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize