so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can vaginas get frostbite?
whose parrot is this?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
