It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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