If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
