well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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