hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
