i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
