Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
