Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
