Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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