look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
