i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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