That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
