just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
