Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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