Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
