the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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