I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have post one night stand depression
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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