Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
