well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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