so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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