I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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