I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
