i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
