I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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