I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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