I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
