had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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