I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
