i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
