he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
