I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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