I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
