I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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