On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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