is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
