He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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