So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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