I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
