My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
