I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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