I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
