We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
