I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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