Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
