Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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