I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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