if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
